Saturday, April 28, 2012

I'm a dreamer

I have often wandered what my dreams mean, do they come from a fear, desire or from the creative part of my brain. There are tons of books or sites that will tell you what your dream meant, but can a dream just be a dream?

Lately all I dream about is food, I then wake up and crave the food I have dreamt about. Now do I have some sort of fear or obsession with food, does food represent something else? Or is it simply because I am three months pregnant and hungry all the time?
Thankfully my dream food cravings have all been very healthy; like berries, Greek salad, tomato sandwiches, v8 or fajitas. I think my cravings have actually made me eat healthier then I did before I started dream craving lol. I thankfully have yet to have a weird or crazy mixture craving like i've heard so much about, so far my food groups remain separate lol. Oddly enough meat seams to be the only thing that i've periodically had aversions to, I normally could live off of meat, every once in a while I will think about what to make or walk past the butcher section of the grocery store and get completely turned off, however this normally only last a day or so and I'm back to normal.
This has been a new occurrence in my pregnancy, id say within the past few weeks. I've heard about pregnancy cravings before but never ones that came in a dream…lol  Maybe it's the babies way of telling me its hungry even when I'm sleeping or my brain planning out my next days menu. Either way I am finding this comical and interesting, going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.
So while everyone else dreams of work, some sexy actor or monsters, I will be in food dream land with piles of strawberries or big platters of Lone Star Fajitas all around me. MMMM I think my dreams are better…lol What will you dream of tonight?
Lotsa Love,

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

How your world can be taken over by something so small

When going through anything new or big it's hard to focus on anything else. Hard to talk about, read about, relate to or or even shop regularly.
On Saturday I will be 12 weeks pregnant and seeing as I went through IVF I know every detail and minute of how my pregnancy started. So i have had some time to allow this to creep into my mind. My mind that was once filled with all kinds of things is now filled with baby facts, books, apps for my iPhone, drs appointments, my next ultrasound date, baby names, will it be a boy or girl, how should I decorate the nursery and you get the point lol.
Mine and my husbands world has been flipped and we couldn't be more excited. We know we still have quite the journey ahead but cannot wait to meet our little one. Thankfully Ryan's sister is do any time now and the prospect of her little girl coming into this world has me a little distracted.
Because everyone knew we were going through IVF and knew when we were going in for our blood work; everyone found out with us that the round took at just over 4 weeks. So our families and friends have had lots of time to celebrate and now they start to shop lol.
It seems like as my tummy starts to grow and my scar tissue painfully stretches I am becoming more and more accepting of the actual fact I am pregnant lol. The things I look forward to now are maternity shopping, ultrasound dates, when I can hear the heart beat again and getting stuff for our little miracle. My brain has become mushy with baby lol.
Time seems to be flying by and I can't believe that three months are already almost here and gone. Maybe my hormonal brain will let me think about something else in the near future, but until then I'm enjoying swimming in the happiness that is being pregnant.
Lotsa Love,

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The sweetest sound

There are not many sounds that I can say stop me in my tracks, bring me to tears and warm my heart all at the same time. Just this past week I got to hear one of those sounds for the very first time, the sound of my babies heartbeat. One perfect, fast, loud heartbeat, that stole my heart.

After years of struggling and disappointment, no matter what your trying to achieve, after a while I think you become more used to the disappointment and not the positive. So even though the bloating, exhaustion, nausea and very small baby bump remind me every day that I am pregnant, there are days when I don't really think its sunk in. Then I go to my first Drs appointment and I'm told not to get my hopes up that you cant always hear the heartbeat at ten weeks. So I lay waiting, not getting my hopes up until I heard the most perfect sound I will ever hear, the heartbeat of my baby.
My husband was unable to make it to my appointment, of course one of the only appointments he missed throughout our whole IVF process. Fortunately my Dr allowed me to record the sound on my phone and I was able to share the wonderful sound with my Husband and our families. I think he has now listened to it over 30 times.
Its crazy how sometimes even though you know something to be true it takes a whole lot of proof for it to sink in. I may be in the delivery room before it has fully sunk in for me…lol. Luckily I have my husband who very lovingly gives my belly kisses goodnight, every night, to remind me.
So I guess what I need to learn is to accept the good in, without undeniable proof. The enjoy the good times and to just go along for the ride. We cant control everything and sometimes we just need to go with the flow.
Lotsa Love,

Monday, April 9, 2012

Big Little Announcement - IVF update

 For those of you who don't live in the Ottawa area or listen to the New Hot 89.9, you may have missed our BIG little announcement. After years and years of trying, entering and winning the Win a Baby contest and going through one round of IVF my husband Ryan and I are extremely excited to say that we are expecting our first little bundle of joy. I AM PREGNANT!!!!!

Words can not express how excited we are. There are days when I wake up and its not until the nausea and exhaustion kicks in that I believe that im really pregnant.
We are expecting our little one on November 10th and I know its still far away, but I cannot wait to meet the baby I have been dreaming of for so long. Every night my husband says goodnight to the baby and kisses my tummy goodnight, I fall asleep and dream of what he or she might be like, what features of mine or Ryan's it may have or if it will be a girl or boy.
A year ago I wouldn't have guessed that this is where I would be today. After struggling for so long a part of you looses hope and stops dreaming all together. Its nice to be dreaming again.
The day we got the phone call from the clinic giving us the amazing news is a day we will never forget. I have to give the highest praises to the Ottawa Fertility Centre for their amazing care. From beginning to end, they were absolutely amazing to us.
I cant wait to share this amazing new journey with all of you.
Lotsa Love,