You'd think the hormones, side effects or constant poking and prodding would be the hardest part of IVF. Not for me! For me the hardest part has been the excruciating two week wait after the embryo transfer. The wait to find out if our dreams have come true.
You think of two weeks as nothing, a very small amount of time. But what if that two weeks was tick tocking away at a super slow rate. So slow you can almost here the ticking as the time goes by.
For a lot of women they have no idea they are pregnant till a missed period or some blatant pregnancy signs start to emerge. Not many people get to know the exact date the embryo was created. So when you do get to know the exact date and you have to sit by in wait, while the whole time thinking "did it work?".
You'd think it would be pretty easy to be able to figure out that your pregnant. But what if your ovaries are swollen and crampy, your on estrogen and progesterone and every symptom could be pregnancy, the beginning of your period, your body trying to return to normal or stress? How do you decipher? Well I think you'd drive yourself crazy trying. Now I'm not saying I don't have moments in my wait were I'm swayed one way or the other, but for my sanity I've tried to do my best not to read into every sign. It's a nearly impossible task.
With a great round of IVF, a great retrieval and our embryos sticking around to day 5. Everything has been looking up for us. We transferred an excellent quality embryo (our little super embryo) and were able to freeze four. We really couldn't of asked for more.
We're coming close to the end of our two week wait and as the day draws closer my nerves get thinner. I managed through the first couple days without any worry, but as the ticking gets louder my worry gets bigger. I think a lot if it is from trying for so many years without a positive outcome. Always being told no or seeing that negative sign makes you start to believe that that is always the way it will be. So my big challenge has been to silence the negativity, the voice inside saying it can never be and replace it with the voice of hope. Telling myself that yes it can be, we could be pregnant.
It's not easy to silence the negativity, especially when the voice has been around for a while. But you can always make a change, always make a difference and always alter what the voice is saying. Make your voice a positive one, one that will guide you to your dreams.