Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Keeping "Love" Sexy

Whether you’re struggling with conceiving, been together for a long time or are just in a personal rut; it can be very easy to leave out the sexy part of “Love”. So what do we do when we get busy, are upset or just in a funk?

In my quest to try and get pregnant I got completely lost in calendars, cycles and rules of trying to conceive. It got to the point where my husband pointed out that he felt I only wanted to have “Love” if it was a scheduled baby making activity. I was so determined and focused that I completely left out spontaneity, effort and sexiness. That was not my intention, but I got completely lost in my need to have a baby.

I know this isn’t an uncommon issue with couples trying to conceive and I know it’s not just an issue with wanting to have a baby. When we aren’t feeling our best; emotionally or physically we can forget that there is another person in our relationship who we are neglecting. In many cases when we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, we can forget the sparkle that should be included in “Love”!

Personal stress, unhappiness with one’s self and even boredom can lead to not feeling sexy yourself. I know that if I don’t feel sexy I’m much less apt to wanting to put effort in or even thinking about ”Love”.  But is it your partner’s fault that you’re feeling that way? It’s up to us to feel good about ourselves and opening conversation with our loved one about how we’re feeling can resolve a lot of issues. Yes a person’s compliments or advances can encourage us in feeling a certain way, but ultimately how we feel about ourselves, how we see ourselves is going to be the deciding factor in feeling sexy.

So what can we do?

If it’s a personal issue, take a deep look at why you’re feeling the way you are.  Talk to someone about it; a professional, friend, family member or even…your partner. It can be very easy to get into a funk or a rut. Personally I am comfortable with myself no matter how I look (I rock a jumping jammer like nobody’s business lol), however I notice that when I’m exercising and eating well I feel better all around; my energy levels are up, I’m happier and I just feel great.  
Sometimes we can lose our identities; we become a spouse, parent or get consumed by our jobs. If this is the case take your identity back, remember you are more than a title; your also a women or man. If it’s been so long you forget who you are, create a new identity; who do you want to be and work towards it.

Stress can be a huge sexy buster! If its work stress, why are you bringing it home; Is it your spouse’s fault you had a deal gone bad? If it’s a home stress talk it out and remember that “Love” is a great stress reliever.

If you are trying to conceive and are attached to a calendar try and spice it up. I know it’s hard but try and bring some sparkle back into the stressful experience of trying to conceive. Light candles, play some sexy music and remember why you want to have that baby; because you love your partner and want to create something special together, so make the experience magical instead of mechanical.

With my upcoming IVF treatment around the corner and every bit of my life about to be scheduled I know that it will take effort, spontaneity and magic to keep our relationship sexy. I know you’re thinking “Tasha what’s not sexy about needles, hormones and scheduled “Love”?” lol right?

It can be easy to get caught up in life and get complacent; but try and remember the spark that first attracted you to your partner.  Remember when you used to shave every time you thought you might see them, always made sure you looked great and courted your spouse? Well they do too and they miss that. I love that when you’re in a certain part of your relationship you are comfortable with each other, my hubby and I watch movies in jumping jammers lol. But I also think that we need to keep the sparkle in our relationship regardless of the length of time we are together.

So…If you’ve lost your sexy, bring it back! Bust out that lingerie, dust off those candles, play some sexy music, buy your honey a gift just cause you were thinking of them and remember that sometimes the little things are the ones that count the most. Listen to what your partner is saying and keep those lines of communication open. Because what fun is “Love” if there’s no sexy in it?

Lotsa Love,

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