Pee Monster (written by Charly)

This is an embarrassing story, but I feel it’s worth telling because it might give someone a well-needed laugh.

I decided that today was going to be the day that I would clean, clean, clean. I had been slacking all week because I just felt really run down after work so I didn’t do very much- even though I thought about doing tons, it just didn’t happen. I prepped on my way home from work by getting a large Steeped Tea, a nice caffeine boost to ensure that I wouldn’t find myself plopped on the couch 15 minutes after getting home disregarding all my previous ambitions.

My husband was leaving for a boy’s night so it was a perfect time for me to blast my favourite music and dance around the house while cleaning. I was moving at a good pace, the house looked like it was back in order to the point that I was satisfied so I decided to take an HGTV break before heading over to Tasha’s for a sleepover since both our husbands are away for the evening.

I was sitting there watching “Property Shop” when I started to notice an overwhelming pee odour surrounding me. It was pungent and nauseating so I started to smell my clothing and my dog Bella sitting next to me, but nothing seemed to be matching what I smelt. I had picked up a pillow that had fallen on the floor and put it beside me when I sat down so I picked it up to see if maybe that was where the odour was coming from. To my shock the opposite side of the pillow that I had picked up was wet. I immediately let out a loud exclamation of “GROSS!” and knew immediately I had found the source. You would hope this would be end of the story, I think we can all agree this is bad enough right?

However, I continued to investigate the rest of the couch, worried that the pillow may have transferred wetness. It was then that I discovered the tidal wave of wetness that was all over 2 out of the 4 cushions. To add insult to this already unfortunate pee accident, I was sitting on 1 of those pee-ridden cushions! You would think I would have noticed or felt the impending wetness long before it was discovered but I was particularly layered up today with the cold chill so I didn’t notice. I looked at Bella sitting beside me and watched as her expression of calm changed to that of guilt as I made my discovery. I called my husband immediately to tell him the news and he informed me that Bella was startled when he came home this afternoon so she must have peed out of fright. She normally would run up to him right away, but because she was scared she sat frozen on the couch with an apparent loose bladder until she realized it was him.

Thankfully, the couch was nearing its expiry date, so Bella (who I will now refer to as Pee Monster) merely sped up the process. The couch is now sitting in the garage waiting for garbage day and I am off to take a shower and to wash my favourite jeans which I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same about again.